So I knew that this week was going to be rough. I had tried preparing myself the entire 3rd month that I was off on maternity leave. I had no idea that it would be this rough. I leave before Madison wakes up every morning and although we get to see each other briefly because I nurse her before I leave, it is just not the same. I was so used to spending every waking moment with her and watching her change and grow from day to day. Now I can't help but feel like I am letting her down by being away at work all day. We are so blessed to have my father in-law take care of Maddie everyday and I do not question whether she is in good hands, but I just wish that I was the one that could be with her each day.
On Thursday I decided that I was going to get my hair highlighted because it had been almost 5 months since I had gotten it done. Boy did it look bad. I knew it would take some time and so I went straight after work at 5 and did not get home until 7:45pm and by the time I had gotten home, Brad had already put Madison down. I was so happy that he was able to get her to sleep. We had just started a more structured sleep routine the week prior to me going back to work. I recommend reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth if you are every trying to accomplish a sleep schedule. That book has helped us so much in such a short amount of time. Even though I was happy that Brad was able to get Maddie to sleep, I was also so sad inside. I had just missed an entire day of her life!! I know that I needed to do this for myself. As a mother, it is important to take some time to focus on yourself, but I still felt so guilty for missing out on her smiles, tears and laughter for that day.
As the week went on, I realized that I will survive and make it through this time away, just as I did with Brayden. It does not mean though that it is any easier and I promise to cherish and enjoy every moment that I am given to spend with my children. I am so blessed and I pray that they will be happy and healthy and never doubt how much I love them.
On Thursday I decided that I was going to get my hair highlighted because it had been almost 5 months since I had gotten it done. Boy did it look bad. I knew it would take some time and so I went straight after work at 5 and did not get home until 7:45pm and by the time I had gotten home, Brad had already put Madison down. I was so happy that he was able to get her to sleep. We had just started a more structured sleep routine the week prior to me going back to work. I recommend reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth if you are every trying to accomplish a sleep schedule. That book has helped us so much in such a short amount of time. Even though I was happy that Brad was able to get Maddie to sleep, I was also so sad inside. I had just missed an entire day of her life!! I know that I needed to do this for myself. As a mother, it is important to take some time to focus on yourself, but I still felt so guilty for missing out on her smiles, tears and laughter for that day.
As the week went on, I realized that I will survive and make it through this time away, just as I did with Brayden. It does not mean though that it is any easier and I promise to cherish and enjoy every moment that I am given to spend with my children. I am so blessed and I pray that they will be happy and healthy and never doubt how much I love them.
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